You wake up every day shrouded by a circle of demons. The sole mission of those demons is to repel the love of family. Post-traumatic stress disorder winds you up like a rubber band on the verge of slapping your caretakers to prevent them from getting close. The fast run of hypervigilance races through words spoken like a breath of a tornado. Nobody understands.
Recalling events from the past never leave. What would I have done different? Nothing. The reckoning is your narrative. Your explosive anger overwhelms you. Your crux is the confusion. Standing in line in the grocery store can be a chore. The hurt, the shame and all the pain overwhelmingly track your every thought. You calculate each move in the grocery store, you realize you dropped your credit card on the floor. You look for the door. Fear and Loathing send you racing to the car. You drive away far until the surge of racing thoughts disappear.
The Fear Follows You Like Wolves
The third world follows you wherever you go. The sounds of burning children are the only thing you know. The morning you woke up and the minute the 11th hour began, was the day you realize you should’ve run. Will I ever return the man I was before? Or will I run like a child down a haunted corridor? The wolves greet you in your sleep. The fear is the way they trap you to avoid the help you must seek. The wolves are night terrors who lock you behind closed doors. The fear snares you to sedate with painkillers all the more. The VA leaves you at death’s door.
The Loathing Defines Your Trauma
As you leave many lives in despair—your cold-hearted coping teaches people you do not care. You watched many lives consumed by death. You know only one thing—we all have one last breath. Trauma never heals when the heart never feels. Hurt, shame and guilt are the products of the loathe. Be still, the world develops your life into becoming a wolf. The oath you swore disappears. The grief you cause those who love now becomes their fear. You are their first thought when they swallow all their tears. You leave them like a phantom who haunted them for years.
Truth of Trauma
The truth is out there if you are willing to take a hand. The PTSD Coach App will help you understand. The Veterans Crisis Line will teach you how to treat your fears. No more thoughts of suicide the loathing will disappear. The truth of trauma comes the minute you understand, help starts with courage when you ask someone to lead you to promised land. Trauma is the source of the 22. I was once like you. Trust is the last resort—the help will see you through.